Somewhere in the earlier days of this parenting gig I got
the idea that raising boys would be so much easier than raising girls. I don’t
know why I thought that but I do distinctively recall looking at my 3 boys
under 5 and thinking man did I get off easy.
Sure I knew that it was likely that they would be noisy,
rough and dirty. I knew there would probably be more broken bones than if I had
3 girls and I knew it was a high probability that I would have to learn to
appreciate soccer and Rugby and wrestling. Did I stereotype much as a new mum? Obviously
yeah.
I had this idea in my head that boys would be somehow
simpler and I guess it came from being a girl and experiencing the insecurities
and sometimes the bitchiness and pettiness that girls can be known for. I
didn’t know boys often deal with the same things, I guess I just assumed they didn’t.
I always thought (again with the ignorant stereotyping) that
boys would be too busy playing with their balls and stuff to ever worry about
those sorts of things and no I don’t mean anatomically speaking when I refer to
balls .. but then again…
What I have discovered is that boys are more complicated
then I gave them merit for. They can hurt each other as much as the girls cans,
they may struggle with insecurities and confidence and the grittier sides of
friendships and negotiations with friends just as some girls do and most
importantly they feel pain just as much as girls do.
I have learned that as your kids get older and they have to
navigate their way through school life, there are days even weeks that are
going to be hard for them and just awful for you as a parent to watch.
The protective Mum who’s ingrained urge to protect her cubs
will come to surface and there will be days where you have to remain calm,
despite what you feel inside. They need that calmness to help smooth out the
turmoil they may be feeling. They need to be guided by wisdom and patience not protectiveness
and emotion.
It is very tempting to wish for a fast forward button to
speed through all the tough times you know your child is going to face. Let's just skip past the school yard politics, the mistakes they will make, the
sleepless nights worrying about them and the failures that will surely happen.
It would be easier to just fast forward straight through to the Happily Ever
After part. But who am I to deny them those experiences as painful as they may
be. Deep down I know that Happily Ever
After is a reward that typically only comes through experience and that your
child has to go through both the highs and the lows to learn the skills to deal
with things in the future and to recognise and appreciate the good in people and life.
Life is just a big old lesson isn’t it. I am guessing it's our job as parents to help them understand just what it is that life is trying to teach them in any
given situation, and be there for support and strength when those lessons are
particularly hard.
So when I look back at my ignorant assumptions that boys
would be simpler than girls – man did someone need to slap me. Boys may fool you at
surface level into believing they are an easier option, but dig a little deeper and you may
just discover that they can be just as complicated as friends tell me their girls can be.
Did you assume that one sex or another would be easier?
To any experienced Mums of Boys - any advice you can offer up an amateur like me?
