The Ridiculous One That Was Live from The Gyno's Waiting Room... | Life Love and Hiccups: The Ridiculous One That Was Live from The Gyno's Waiting Room...

Monday, 17 March 2014

The Ridiculous One That Was Live from The Gyno's Waiting Room...

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As I was putting on my makeup, doing my hair and choosing my outfit this morning - the ridiculousness of the situation struck me. Here I was getting all fancied up for an appointment with my gyno and I was putting more effort into getting ready and my appearance than I do for my own hubby.

I mean, I started getting ready for my appointment 24 hours before the event. I raked and trimmed and I painted my toenails in the racy red colour I normally reserve for parties and festive events. I even contemplated sprinkling a little glitter down there to make it all pretty.

Why do we do this? Why do I do this?

Is it because I'm hoping that the Dr will be so distracted by my pretty coloured toes and well thought out outfit that he wont pass any judgement or form any opinions on the state of my hoo haa. But then do I really want him distracted by red toe nails when he is working down there? 

Crap! Why didn't I choose a more subtle colour???

What if he thinks I painted my toenails red because I have a crush on him?


So I'm writing this post as I sit in the Gynos's waiting room surrounded by a couple of nervous looking women with their legs crossed. I figured doing something constructive like writing a blog post sure beats reading those dust covered 2001 Cosmopolitans and Cleos over in the corner that have been here for our enjoyment for the past 13 years.

I have just finished making a list of subjects to talk about whilst his head is in my nether regions. I find silence during these sorts of examinations very uncomfortable and although I am not a fan of mindless small talk, I would rather be debating the merit of camping in tents versus cabins than lying in complete silence with just the sound of his tools to fill the dead air space.

The woman sitting next to me has two takeaway coffees. Oh the sneaky cow. Is the extra one for the Dr?

Damn it why didn't I think of that?? Instead I'm just sitting here tapping on my iPad and sucking on mints. MINTS! Like he really cares how my breath smells when he is busy down there. Shhheeeesh!

So being the over thinker that I am I can't help but wonder if my Dr really does pass any judgement or opinion on the many hoo haas he sees in a day. I know he is a well respected professional, but he is human so does he just naturally compare them from one appointment to the next like we would with shoes?

Oh God. What if he thinks I have an ugly hoo haa?

Do I care? Should I care?

Is there such a thing as an ugly hoo haa... or attractive ones for that matter? I mean I don't think any hoo haa is particularly attractive but what if mine is less attractive than the woman with the two cups of coffee?

What if mine is so particularly weird looking that my Dr goes home and tells his wife over dinner tonight about his patient with the particularly weird hoo haa and then they laugh and eat their chicken curry whilst continuing to have a good chuckle at my weird looking hoo haa's expense. I don't want anyone laughing at my hoo haa over a bowl of chicken curry. Ohhhh the shame...

Oh OK batter up, I'm next. YESSS!!! *Fist pump* I get to go before the two coffee sucker uperer.

Let's do this ladies. Wish me and my hoo haa luck!

Do you over-think your visit to the Gyno?