I Was The Victim of a Rip and Run Attack | Life Love and Hiccups: I Was The Victim of a Rip and Run Attack
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Wednesday, 22 July 2015

I Was The Victim of a Rip and Run Attack

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I was the victim of a RIP and RUN on the weekend and my assailant was none other than my sweet 8 year old boy.

If you are unfamiliar with the rip and run, please, let me enlighten you by sharing what happened.

I'll set the scene for you because you really needed to be there to appreciate the full mortification value.

I am standing in the container aisle of my local Kmart checking out some gorgeous paint dipped baskets. My two smallest muchkins and my hubby are with me and despite our snotty noses and red rimmed eyes we are the picture of family bliss....

Ahhh OK maybe not so fast huh Sonia!

The hubby who is eyes rolling in the back of the head kind of bored by now with my commentary of the pros and cons of wire baskets versus cane baskets, wandered off to browse the far more titillating battery aisle, the ten year old spied a friend from school and didn't want to be caught dead shopping for baskets with his mum and therefore bolted for the lolly section and I was left with a particularly miserable and flemmy eight year old.

He too soon grew tired of me and my basket gushing and meandered off somewhere else ... but not before he dropped a bomb of atomic magnitude.

As he made his stage left exit the most horrific insidious odour crept up and literally smacked me in nose and left me gasping for air.

He had let one rip.

A really ROTTEN one.

Like a turn your toes up kind of rotten one and then the little bugger left me with the carnage.

A well dressed mum and her fabulously hip looking teenage daughter entered the basket aisle and the poor things walked smack bang into me AND the stench.

Now how does one even try to begin to explain to a complete stranger that the vomit inducing fart smell did not actually come from me... the one and only person standing in an empty aisle?

Well I did what any mortified person would do... I shouted at the top of my voice "FLYNNNNNN DO YOU NEED TO GO TO THE TOILET? YOUR FART REALLY SMELLS BAD HONEY".

And then I shrugged at the mum and daughter with my best 'throw me a bone, I am a victim of a rip and run' and left them on their own to drown in the rotten smell that came from my sweet child's bum.

I found Flynn with his dad comparing the pros and cons of Duracell versus Everyready and one look at their faces told me that they knew EXACTLY what they had just put me through.

Revenge shall be mine... as soon as I figure out something worthy.

Now if you will excuse me I must go and sniff a rose garden or something because the mere memory of that smell is making my eyes water.

Have you ever been a victim of a RIP and RUN?