Why I am Sorry But Not Really All THAT Sorry | Life Love and Hiccups: Why I am Sorry But Not Really All THAT Sorry

Thursday, 1 December 2016

Why I am Sorry But Not Really All THAT Sorry

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OK so first of all I want to say thank you. 

Thank you for all the beautiful support and messages and emails we have received after my post yesterday about the bullying situation we have found ourselves in this past year with our youngest son.

I understand it must have been very confronting for those who read it and who know us or our son or the community we are in. It may also have been confronting for some who had their own personal experiences come back to flood them.

I have spent the best part of today speaking to experts who we have been referred to about this, dealing with our own situation and reading through all the emails of personal stories I have been sent by readers.

I have to tell you that I am so incredibly humbled that so many of you chose to share with me and my family your own private stories about yourself and your children, but at the same time I am so beyond horrified that so many of you and sadly I really have to put a heavy emphasis on the 'SO MANY OF YOU' part, have been affected by bullying either personally or through your children... at school, at work, in social circles and online.

What is wrong with mankind???


What the FUCK is wrong with us??

My post from yesterday was shared by someone with the leaders of our school and I am OK with that - although today I have been politely reminded and warned about the risk of defamation. 

I'm also OK with that too. 

I have not and would not name or defame anyone. That is not in my nature to do so, however I did share with you all a very personal story that is about as raw as it can get for me... and for that I am not sorry.

I won't go into full details (for obvious reasons) of where we are at with our situation, but... I can tell you that we are working with the school towards what we hope will be the most positive resolution for all who are involved.

I don't ever expect everyone to agree with me and I am in no way at all perfect. Therefore I was not surprised to receive some emails amongst the messages that disagreed with me writing about our experience and even condemning me for talking about this experience of ours on social media i.e. this blog.

In one of those messages I was told that I have acted irresponsibly because my post provoked comments from people that could be considered inconsiderate and hurtful to the other parties involved and to our school community. I was told that perhaps I did not put any thought into how my blog post would affect other families who have children who have been the offender in a bullying incident.


Ok, so...

I would like to respectfully address those concerns in this way if I may.

For the record, please let it be known that;

I do not condone bullying in any shape or form - on or offline. 

I do not condone bullying the bully and I do not condone anyone being bullied into being silent. 

I do not use the word bullying lightly... AT ALL.

If I have offended anyone who has been a bully or is the parent of a bully or anyone who is concerned about the reputation of 'somewhere' where 'something' may have taken place... I am sorry. 

Kind of...

In all honesty, I'm not that sorry because I have learnt from my own experience that the times when I have felt the most confronted and uncomfortable are the times when I have instigated the most positive change - both as a parent and as an individual. 

I am genuinely sorry if anyone felt any discomfort reading my post, but just as we have been forced into a situation where we have to try and dig deep for compassion and forgiveness, I too hope that those who are responsible for this type of behaviour or who know of this kind of behaviour happening, will also dig deep for compassion and empathy.

This is how we all learn and grow from experiences... including shared experiences. 

Whilst I understand social media in this day and age is far too often used the wrong way, it is also pretty much unavoidable but it can be put to good use too. It can be used as a platform to share, to connect, to be comforted and to raise awareness and positive change.

I read some of the emails to my husband last night and we found ourselves so upset at the trauma bullying can have on people's lives. I do not believe that we hear enough about the personal stories of the trauma and impact bullying can have on people and their families. Often we don't even know it is happening before it is too late and we can't do anything to help.

We should never become desensitised to the effects of bullying at any age and it should never be swept under the carpet.

I do not condone physical retaliation in any form as an answer against bullying. I don't actually condone physical violence for ANYTHING.

My family and I live by the principles of respect, compassion and empathy and these are the principles we also try to teach our children... however, that said I WILL NOT and CANNOT turn my head away and be silent about something that is wrong because I am fearful that it may upset someone else.

I do not believe in naming and shaming or public crucifixion. 

I have not and would not ever name people or places in a personal recount and I do not condone attacks taking place on people in forums and comment sections. I do not believe that has ever happened here on this blog but, please by all means, correct me if I am wrong and I will address it immediately.

I do not believe in asking people to ever take sides for or against anything. 

We are all free humans with free will and I suspect you will form your own opinions that either compliment or contradict my own and you know what - that is your undeniable right to do so and respect to you for that. We do not have to agree on everything.

I generally write about subjects of a personal nature on my blog given it is a personal blog. 

I write about the good and the bad and I write from the heart to connect with others who may see themselves or their situation in my words.

I choose to share our family's stories with the permission of my family and because we believe or hope that it could possibly help someone else or another family who may read it. 

My blog is written by me. 

There is no alias I hide behind, there are no ghost writers and I do not write anonymously. 

I do not write to create conflict or controversy or to cause distress to others... ha, on the contrary. Anyone who knows me or has read my blog for long enough knows that I am about as non controversial, non confrontational as they come... unless I feel the need to stand up and say enough and then I will do so in a very loud and proud voice.

I not only genuinely care about people, I care hard and I care with every single bit of my being and often that hurts and that in itself can be a hard cross to bear.

I write in my voice as I would speak to you in person. 

I write when I am happy, I write when I am angry and I write when I am sad. I write when I have hot angry tears streaming down my face as I do right now.

I write as I am.

I am not a literacy expert and I do not have formal writing qualifications, heck about the only thing I AM an expert in is relentless unforgiving worry. 

This blog reflects my opinion, my experiences, my passions and my stories and I stand behind each and every word that I write and I do not 'slam out posts on a whim'.

I also happen to be very VERY passionate about Suicide prevention for people of all ages, I am vocal about Depression and Mental Health Awareness in both adults AND children, Bullying, and Human Rights. These are all subjects I care passionately about and therefore they will come up from time to time on this blog. 

No one's life is all sunshine and lollipops and I am not going to even begin to pretend that mine is or ever has been. I try to keep it as real as you and I are and that is why I write about life, love and all the hiccups in between. 

I am of the belief that every voice helps to create awareness for a cause. 

I believe that there are always two sides to a story.

I believe that every experience that we share with each other, both good and bad, generates empathy and compassion and that every person who is brave enough to tell their story or to stand up for someone should not only be encouraged and certainly not silenced, they should also be applauded. 

Support breeds courage and compassion breeds love.

Courage and love are what we need to learn for ourselves and to teach our children... it is after all how we will all survive in this world that has become what it is today.

xx Sonia

Again, I will reiterate the following;

I have no expertise whatsoever with dealing this kind of thing but I do know that bullying of any kind anywhere is not ok and you and your child DO NOT have to put up with it.

If you find yourself in a similar situation I urge you to speak to your school immediately and whatever authorities you have to to ensure that the appropriate action is taken and your child is safe. Do not feel pressured to brush this under the carpet you guys... PLEASE!!!

Kids Helpline is also there to support you and your child - 1800 55 1800.