The Convict And The Bloody Bread | Life Love and Hiccups: The Convict And The Bloody Bread
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Friday, 2 September 2016

The Convict And The Bloody Bread

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Book week 100% without a doubt totally snuck up on me last week.


Who am I kidding? It always sneaks up on me but if I made the time to sit down and read the school newsletters once in a while I would have KNOWN about the parade ahead of time and I would have also KNOWN that the theme was Australian Books.

But of course I didn't read the newsletter did I?

Noooo, and if it weren't for me spotting some mums from school discussing their kids costumes on FB on the Wednesday night, then I wouldn't have known that the parade was on Friday.

Clearly, the kids cannot be trusted to give me that kind of information.

So crap, Australian huh?

"Damn it" I thought to myself, there goes the idea of us using the Pirate, Zombie or Teddy Bear costumes, the only costumes we have left in our pitiful excuse of a dress up box. The only costumes that they can kinda sorta not really but it'll do fit into these days... along with the Cat in The Hat costume of course... you know, the one with the Green Eggs and Ham that I lovingly hand stitched until my fingers bled (note* I may be mildly exaggerating about the bleeding bit).

So what does a desperate 21st century mother do in a crisis like this?

Why I turned to Facebook of course and I posted one of those really annoying desperate "HELP ME PLEASE" posts, asking for suggestions on Australian themed book characters.

Well bless that online community, it did not let me down.

I was flooded with awesome ideas and suggestions from a whole load of very helpful people.

I read through all of the choices to my kids, carefully excluding any that would involve the use of a sewing machine or a trip to a costume store in the city.

Eventually after much consideration, they chose their costumes, and ladies and gentlemen - may I present to you The Littlest Convict and The Lamington Man.

What you can't see in the picture is that my Little Convict's outfit also included a loaf of bread. A fresh crusty Vienna loaf thank you very much.

I didn't hand the bread over until right before we left for school because... you know... he'd eat it and all that.

When I did eventually give him the loaf of bread, the conversation panned out like this.

"Hey convict, here's your bread dad got you." I said as I tossed the loaf across the kitchen.

"Is this my lunch?" enquired the confused petty criminal.

"No, it's part of your costume" I sighed as I strapped the Lamington Man into his box.

"I don't get it, why do I have bread?" he asked with the look of someone who clearly thought his mother had lost the plot.

"Because convicts ate the bread and since you are dressed as a bread you need a convict!"

Gah! That kid always gets me into a fuddle.

"So I EAT the bread in the parade?" he continued with the exasperating questions.

"NO, the bread is STOLEN and that's why you are a convict" Sheesh, this was turning out to be a very long morning.

"WHAT!!! Dad STOLE this bread?" he squealed as he threw it like it was burning hot in his hands.

"OMG NOOOO, Dad didn't steal the bread, he bought the bread for you to use as part of your costume because sometimes the only reason a convict was a convict was because they did something as small as steal a loaf of bread when they were hungry."

This was all too hard.

He looked at me and I could see the light finally switch on behind his eyes.

He got it. Hallelujah he got it.

"So can I eat the bread then?"

Yep book week, I so LOVE book week. NOT!

Did you have Book Week? 
Were you taken by surprise or were you all over it?
Any Book Week horror stories to share?