Wednesday 22 May 2013

Things I'm Really GOOD at Sucking At!

I was reading an article yesterday in a magazine about increasing your self worth and it suggested writing a list of things you are really good at. So feeling all inspired, I sat down last night to write my list and after writing a couple of lines on the page, I began to feel like a bit of a wanky knob.

It doesn't come comfortably to most of us to talk about what we are good at, so in the spirit of self improvement and all that, I decided to write a list of things I suck at instead.

And I figure that if I am actually really GOOD at sucking at these things, then I kind of did what the magazine suggested in the first place - I made a list of things I am really good at.


Still with me?

If so, here is the list I came up with, things I am really good at sucking at.

I suck at being patient with my kids when they are doing homework. Sight words have given me more wrinkles than 20 years of sucking on a Vodka limes and Soda through straws would ever give. Every night it is the same freaking battle to get the homework done and I think I am more scared of NOT handing the homework in than the kids are.

20 years after I handed in my last bit of homework for marking, I suck at it just as much now as I did then.

Staying on top of the laundry: 
Which includes not only the washing of the dirty clothes, but the folding, ironing and putting away. My dining table currently looks like a laundry floor and you cant see the couch in the kids playroom.

Yep, it's fair to say I pretty much really suck at laundry.

Following meal plans: 
Oh man let's face it, I just suck at cooking in general.

I love spending time making up Meal planners and shopping lists on pretty paper while I sip on coffee, and heck I don't even really mind the shopping for the ingredients bit. But it all begins to fall apart when every day I forget to take the stuff I need to make dinner out of the freezer and we are forced to eat cheese and tomato on toast ... again.

Responding to text messages: 
I can also include responding to emails, Facebook messages, and Twitter messages in this list.  Oh and I suck at answering the phone too.

I'm actually pretty good at reading messages and listening to them (when I remember to check), but I usually do it whilst I am on the run and I make a mental note to respond when I get home. But by the time I get home I have misplaced that mental piece of paper that I wrote the message on and so I totally forget to respond.

It's not intentional, but it is most definitely something I am really good at sucking at.

Sticking to diets: 
When I am sitting on the couch at night with my belly full and my jeans button undone, I feel really motivated to go on a diet. And when I am lying in bed reading a book or an article about someone who has lost a ton of weight, I think to myself "hell yeah, I can do this".

But then the next day the toasted banana bread with melted butter and the cheese and antipasto platter catches my eye, calls my name and suddenly I'm all diet? What diet?

Actioning lists: 
I am really good at writing lists and I love nothing more than sitting down with a cute notepad and a really cute pen and making list after list after list for everything and anything.

I have been known to fill page after page of big notebook with various lists, but the bit where I am actually supposed to DO the things on those lists - that's where I really suck.

Not spending money: 
I'm trying, I really am. And now that I am not going to have a regular salary coming in every month, I am going to have to try a lot harder.

But I can come up with a million and one reasons why I need that teal blue Genie bottle and only one reason for why I shouldn't buy it - cause I need to save my money.

At this moment I suck at it, but it's a work in progress.

I love the idea of meditation, but the reality is really I suck at doing it. I'm always the one with one eye open looking at everyone and giggling or the one in the back corner snoring and dribbling because I fell asleep.

I am so lazy when it comes to exercise that I cant even be assed writing anything more about it.

Finishing books: 
I LOVE books, but again it comes back to how distracted I get by pretty covers and new titles so I have a number of half read books sitting by my bed at any given time.

Remembering how to spell calander and definately:
As you can see by the spelling of those words above, I really suck when it comes to spelling those words.

Thank God for spell check, it has definately definetely, definitely saved my ass on more than one occasion.

Saying no: 
Don't even get me started on that one.

Using a straightening iron: 
I have quite the collection of burn scars on my neck and ears from using a straightening iron, but I figure eventually they will all join up and look like some tribal tattoo or really cool scar.

Man those things could be lethal in the wrong hands ... like my hands.

Standing up for myself: 
Mess with my family or my friends and your ass is toast.

Oh but you wanna have a go at me? Umm okay, please be my guest. I'll just sit here quietly and let your criticism sap every last bit of self worth I have remaining.

No by all means, take your time and be sure to get it all off your chest, I promise not to interrupt you and I also promise I wont sleep for at least the next 3 nights worrying and replaying ever word you said to me.

See I am actually really really GOOD at sucking at loads of things, more than I ever realised.

And since I subscribe to the theory that if you are going to do something, you should do it well - then I should be pretty damn proud of my extensive list... shouldn't I?