Shattered Dreams and Laying Down The Law - School Holiday Style | Life Love and Hiccups: Shattered Dreams and Laying Down The Law - School Holiday Style
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Friday 28 June 2013

Shattered Dreams and Laying Down The Law - School Holiday Style

Pin It Day one of the school holidays is upon us and at the beginning of the holidays I always start out with such enthusiasm about what lays ahead for us.

These holidays were pegged as even more special than the last one, as last time I was trying to juggle a full time job whilst entertaining the boys.

But alas, there is a rule in life, set in stone by one Mr Murphy and not the one starting with Dan, although I think he also plays a very important role in the holidays. No the rule I am talking about it the one where you should never ever place too high an expectation on something, as inevitably you will be disappointed.

I should have known better.

In my mind the first day of the holidays would begin with a quiet sleep in on a cosy rainy morning. I would rise to some bright eyed kids eager to chat about the weeks that lay ahead while we sit snuggled over hot bowls of oats and honey.

You know I was doomed with mental images like that don't you.

My kids don't even like oats and honey, they NEVER sleep in unless it's a school day and instead I woke to this.

and wet dogs who had done this - ALL . THROUGH . THE. HOUSE.

And in place of the bright eyed chatty kids I was expecting, I got this.

And so I called a meeting among the troops. As one does. And I took the opportunity to lay down a few self preserving ground rules. The rules part was for them and the preserving part was for me and my sanity.

It was agreed that they would follow these guidelines during this holiday period, and when I say agreed, I really mean they will do as I say and not as I do kind of thing.

1. Do not get nits again these holidays otherwise it will be crew cuts all around.

2. Please do not eat the entire contents of our weekly shop in the first few hours and please do not sell our food on the streets or to the neighbours.

3. Please refrain from bleeding whilst I am on duty. Your father will be home by 5pm so please limit any blood inducing accidents until then.

4. If you insist on killing each, please do so quietly. The neighbours DO NOT need or want to hear such domestic disturbances.

5. Do not ask me what we are doing today before I have had at least 2 cups of my morning coffee. And then ask me once and once only and accept the answer without an assault of negotiations.

6. Do not constantly ask me for money. There is a budget and I am not budging on it.

7. Do not and I repeat just so we are very clear, DO NOT use the word bored in ANY context. You are children with great imaginations and an abundance of energy. Go find something to do that is legal and has the potential to fill at least a couple of hours.

8. Do not hassle me from 9.01am for lunch. Lunch will take place at 12pm and no amount of hassling will bring that time forward.

9. Do not breathe all of each others air, I cannot cope with the arguments over the lack of air supply for another single minute.

10. Do not change your clothes until they have changed colour from dirt or until the neighbours complain of the smell. I am still trying desperately to hold on to my Domestic Goddess crown.

So that's the basics anyway, there were a few other do's and don'ts bandied around, but you kind of get the gist.

What's your coping strategy for these holidays?
Are you stocked up on Vodka and chocolate?
Why do Cadburys and Absolut not run a loyalty program during the holidays. They could make a killing!