A New Dawn, A New Day | Life Love and Hiccups: A New Dawn, A New Day
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Monday 26 August 2013

A New Dawn, A New Day

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Today feels like my life has just begun all over again. 

I am walking as light as a feather and with a heart bursting with joy – my Cervical Cancer biopsy results came back and man oh man have I dodged a bullet.

I know I didn’t give a full picture when I spoke of this last week, so let’s go back a few steps shall we.

Last year I had a Pap Smear come back with a CIN 3 result (pre-cancer, but not yet cancer). As I waited for the results of last year's biopsy I put myself through hell wondering what the outcome would be. 

They cut away some of the cervix and when the results came back as pre-cancerous I was told to come back in 5- 6 months for another check up. To say I was over the moon then would be a gross understatement, but when the relief wore off, I am ashamed to say I became almost complacent and just put the whole experience to the back of my mind.

I ended up cancelling my 6 month check up, because one of my kids was sick that day and as I didn’t have my diary on me, I promised to ring back and rebook… only I didn’t. 

Instead I clear forgot all about it in the excitement of quitting my job, turning 40 and going overseas.

Stupid.... beyond stupid. Yep I know!

A couple of weeks ago My husband and I were watching Domestic Blitz and they were doing a home transformation for two beautiful sisters who have been battling cervical cancer. Carl and I looked at each other and were both thinking the same thing “Shit! I never went back for my check up”.

First thing that Monday morning I made an appointment and I was lucky enough to secure one for the Friday of the same week. I didn’t take my husband Carl with me, as I thought it would just be a quick pap smear and I would be on my way.

As you know it didn’t quite turn out that way.

What the Dr found when he was foraging around in my hooha was that there were considerable changes in the 12 months since I last saw him and well to put it bluntly he was concerned that the changes were cancerous. 

Biopsies were immediately done, and I even asked if he had left anything behind as he was taking bits out of here there and everywhere.

As you can imagine all of this was like someone just sucker punched me in the guts and I was literally gobsmacked and frightened beyond words. 

We discussed what it would mean if the results came back positive. Hysterectomy, radiation, chemo etc etc. He drew diagrams for me, showed me pictures and threw around words around like glandular and secondary.

I had no idea what most of those words meant in this situation and I was finding it almost impossible to make sense of anything he was saying as blood was rushing from my head and my heart was threatening to blow out my ear drums.

And do I did what you should NEVER EVER do. I came home and Googled it all and basically gave myself a good old fashioned coronary.

Only days earlier I had written a post for Real Insurance on Life insurance, (yeah ironic right) and I began to question if that was the universe trying to tell me something. In fact all around me I started to see signs in things, signs I didn’t want to see. 

My cervix may have been stuffed but my imagination was taking up the slack.

These past 11 days have been absolute hell and probably the worst 271.2 hours or 16,272 minutes of my life to date - yes I was counting. Every waking moment was consumed with the what ifs and I felt as though I could not find joy in anything whilst this was hanging over my head.

This morning I got the news I have been praying for. 

I don’t have cancer. 

I have precancerous cells & lesions, but they are not cancer.

Most likely we will explore the option of a hysterectomy to remove them once and for all. But for now I feel as though I have dodged one hellava bullet and the angels were looking out for me.

I could not have gotten through this past week with out the support of my husband, my family and my friends who exhausted themselves distracting me in every way possible. And I could not have done it without the love, prayers and positivity that was so generously shown to me by you guys, this community … our online community..... my village.

Many of you wrote to me and told me of your own stories, of your own anxious waiting games and I want you to know that we are all thinking of you and praying for positive outcome for you too.

Please remember the beautiful words that one of my readers Pria sent me "whilst there is hope there is a certain kind of magic that can happen and that particular kind of magic is what make miracles happen. Hang on to that hope, it is more powerful than you could ever imagine"

I am here to tell you that Pria was soooo right - hope and magic do work brilliantly together and I have learnt once again that you should never ever lose hope.

When I was driving in my car this morning, just before I had received my good news, that Nina Simone song "It's a new dawn, it's a new day" (Feeling Good) was playing. 

Holy Shitballs - if that wasn't a sign, I don't know what is.

Please please please, if you are due or overdue for a Pap Smear - BOOK IT NOW! 
And if a Dr ever tells you to go back for a check up, don't be a moron like me.... go back when you are supposed to.