I guess a psychologist would probably say it is some form of insecurity that fuels my deeply ingrained ideas that I have to do everything perfectly and have everything perfect all the time. Man the pressure I put on myself for every bloody thing I do, whether it be keeping the house looking perfect, or hosting the perfect dinner party or going over and way above for my job, is just pure insane.
But shhhh - I have secretly been in training trying out a new weapon. Aha Aha *nodding enthusiastically* I have been practising by standing in front of the mirror saying some pretty.... powerful.... words to myself. These words are like a life inspiring affirmation that you need to say over and over again to subliminally burn it into my mind forever.
*Stands up and takes a bow*....and I am now proud to inform you that I can say Meh "F%#k it" as easily and with almost as much conviction as I can say "vodka and soda please?"
Sheesh I won't lie - it has been hard and it is definitely a work in progress, but once I master the art of saying "F%#k it" and truly meaning it, oh it will be soooo worth it.
Now the other thing I do need to work on is saying "No". Oh man I suck at that one. I start out with the best intentions and my lips form the N shape and I push myself hard nn.nn.n.n....sssssssure ok. Dammit!
It doesn't matter what I am saying no to, I just crumble under the pressure or when I am put on the spot and I end up blurting "ok yes" instead of the big fat No I am desperate to let out. It is like the word "no" is poison to my lips.
When I do manage to say NO to something, I feel compelled to make excuses. Excuses so far out and I go into such long detail, that typically the person I am saying no to can quite easily knock back my excuse with just a couple of words and once again I hear the word yes weakly escape my mouth.
But as I said I am going easy on myself, so with a shrug of the shoulders I say "Oh F%#k it" to my inability to say no.... for now anyway. I am sure it will come to me someday....one day, probably about the same time I finally get around to learning how to knit and knit myself a cover for my walking frame and dentures case.
In the meantime I will be thankful for my new found weapon and just for the hell of it I'll throw it out there one more time for good measure "F%#k it"! Wow that feels good. Try it!
Do you put pressure on yourself?
What's your secret weapon?
Linking up with Kate Says Stuff for Thankful Thursday.
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