It Seems I'm All Bark But No Bite | Life Love and Hiccups: It Seems I'm All Bark But No Bite
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Friday 19 July 2013

It Seems I'm All Bark But No Bite

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See those two terrifying attack dogs up there? They are my trusty sidekicks Max and Milly (aka The Chicken Sausage).

Every morning around 9.30am we go through the same drill, the ducks wander up the street to their local watering hole and these dogs of mine go all psycho ass .... behind the safety of the front window's glass.

It's almost as if the ducks have this game going on and every morning they're all "So Baz, whaddya want to do this morning"? to which Baz replies"Oh gee I dunno Reg, wanna go bug the shit out of those noisy mutts up the street"?

And so it begins, and continues, ALL flipping day.

The dogs go apeshit (behind the front windows) at anyone, anyTHING that dares to enter the street and I go all crazy ass screaming at them to "SHUUUUUDDUP!".

The thing is, when I open that front door to some poor bugger who is terrified that these ferocious canines are going to have their limbs for lunch, the poor unsuspecting fool is basically licked to death and then Max the smaller of the two, begins to dry hump their legs ... or their bags ... he's not really fussy.

They are all bark and no bite.

A bit like me really.

In the safety of my shower, I plan out conversations where I am confronting someone who I think has done a great injustice by me, or basically just really pissed me off.

The planning part goes brilliantly, the actual confrontation ... not so much.

Not only does the target of my wrath not follow the script I have preprepared, I tend to go to mush as soon as they smile at me and suddenly I feel all guilty that I even thought of saying something in the first place and that it all must have just been an innocent misunderstanding.

Apparently I am Passive Aggressive.

No Shit Sherlock!

I paid good money for that diagnosis, and all I got was this sign on my forehead that reads Walk All Over Me and I'll just bitch and moan about you, throw sarcastic jibes and then forgive you when you give me icecream.

Or Something like that.

I admire people that speak their mind. The type of people who I drop my jaw at when they say what they are thinking, but inside I am all in awe and admiration of them.

Clearly my dogs take after me and my weakness and let's face it, there are always gonna be some smart ass ducks in this world that just get a kick out of testing you.

Do you speak your mind when you want to? 
Or are you like me - too worried you may offend the asshole that made you feel like shit in the first place?