I've battled the old Working Mothers Guilt for like forever. I didn't really take maternity leave when I had my babies, I started back at work two weeks after my first was born, although I did cut back on my hours and worked from home around his sleep. I had 3 months off for my second baby, most of which was clouded in PND so I don't really recall much of it which I feel really guilty about. And then with my third son I started back working after 2 weeks off - albeit contracting from home. So you see I suffer from a major dose of guilts.
For me the way I control my guilt is through over compensating. Practical right? No not so much.
I volunteer for pretty much anything to do with my kids and school and sport, cause it makes me feel better. And when I am not working and I'm with my boys, I totally spoil them in every way possible. No need to tell me I'm doing it all wrong - I know and I feel guilty about that too!
Anyway today was just another day for guilt to pay me a visit. It was the kids athletic carnival at school and I couldn't go as I had to work and I felt like the suckiest mum ever. Completely racked with guilt I organised my mum to go in my place and I braced myself to tell them the news. They were stoked! Not because I couldn't go, back having Nanny there instead was way cool!
I figured out if I timed my meeting right for work, I would have time to swing by the sports centre and say a quick hello to the boys before I head home to continue working. Excited and inspired I ploughed through my meetings and made a dash to the sports carnival. I arrived in time as my mum was taking the kids home. It was over! Done and dusted and I had officially missed my kids sport carnival.
What made it worse was when one of my boys was so sweet and said to me "Its ok Mum, just the fact you tried so hard to get there means a lot to us". Oh those sweet sweet words meant with kindness was like a knife ripping into my heart, twisting around, slicing it up and going back for seconds.
So how did I deal with the guilt that was rising up and repeatedly slapping me in the face? With these little suckers......
I partially blame the fabulous Mrs Woog as I have managed to avoid gorging myself on these babies for years, until she shouted me one the other day - actually I believe her words may have been "let's roll a Kripsy"! And just like a domestic animal that gets the taste of blood and cant get enough, I had reacquainted my tastebuds with these butt buldgers and I haven't been able to get them off my mind since. So it may have influenced my decision to buy a box for my kids to say "I'm sorry I missed your running races today, but as a gesture of my remorse, please join me in sending our bodies into a complete diabetic coma eating every single one of these in one sitting".
And we did eat every single one of those in pretty much one sitting and now I am sitting on the couch feeling totally ill and I swear my pants have just shrunk a size or two and quite frankly I am too busy crashing from a major sugar high to feel anything let alone guilt. So once again my overcompensation has successfully put a bandaid on my guilt.
By the way Mum - The boys have told me it's totally OK if I always have to work on Sports Carnival Day from now on as Nanny buys them really good stuff from the canteen and apparently Life Savers and Powerades totally trump Krispy Kremes.
Did you get the bonus steak knives at the birth of your baby?
If so how do you deal with your dose of Mothers Guilt?
Anyone know where I can buy Lifesavers and Powerade in bulk?