Just in Case You Didn't Know ..... I am a Self Proclaimed Total Nutjob! | Life Love and Hiccups: Just in Case You Didn't Know ..... I am a Self Proclaimed Total Nutjob!
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Tuesday 21 August 2012

Just in Case You Didn't Know ..... I am a Self Proclaimed Total Nutjob!

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OK I'll admit it, I'm more than a little superstitious. Add to that a mild case of self diagnosed OCD and on any given day I am pretty much waiting for that van with the men dressed in white, carrying very unflattering straight jackets to arrive at my door.

I blame my grandmother and my Aunt, they were both very superstitious and I think some of their genes obviously leaked into my DNA.

11 years ago we took my Dad out for a surprise 60th birthday lunch and as he sat surrounded by his family including his new little grand kids he wistfully proclaimed "It doesn't get better than this".

A few days later he was in a coma with a life threatening illness and I was running up a massive phone debt by ringing his mobile phone over and over again just to listen to his voice.

Fortunately for him and us, it did get better than that and he eventually came out of his coma and slowly but surely recovered, but damned if he or anyone in our family is allowed to stare wistfully and utter those words ever ever again.

And so my already over indulgent fascination with superstitions grew to epic proportions.

Shoes! Flipping Jimmy shoes cause me never ending amounts of grief. Don't ever put shoes on a table or they will be the demise of their owner. And whatever you do - don't leave them on the floor any other way than with the soles touching the ground or the owner may turn their toes up. I have no idea where that one came from, but geez it does my head in when certain little kids chuck their shoes and leave them lying around any which way but with the soles touching the ground.

I tend to prescribe to the more ridiculous superstitions, cause that's just the type of lunatic I obviously am. Here's some of the more ridiculous superstitions I can't seem to get past.

Take your Christmas tree down before the New Year starts as it's bad luck to have your tree up more than once in the same year. I think I blame my Nan for that one, I'm not 100% sure though so Nan if you're reading this on the shared computer at the back of the bingo hall in heaven, please don't be offended if it wasn't you - Clearly I also inherited your memory. I don't know what this one means for people who put their trees up for Christmas in July. Most likely nothing because I am totally full of crap!

I never use my kids as an excuse to get out of doing something if its not legit. For example, "Sorry I cant come today because my kids have head lice", means that if I am lying about the said head lice now you can guarantee my kids will be absolutely crawling with the little buggers within days. 
God help me if a charity is collecting money outside of my shopping centre. I just have to cough up cash cause if I don't, then someone I know will be struck down with whatever the charity is raising money for. Doesn't matter if it is the Junior Cub Scouts, Girl Guides or one of the many fabulous organisations raising funding for Cancer. I don't want my loved ones to die from choking on a Girl Guide Cookie.

Touch wood when you say something or talk about something you don't want to happen. Struth Ruth I have splinters in every finger from the amount of frigging wood I touch in a day. And yes touching my head totally counts if there is no wood around.
I have to blow up bad thoughts in my head with a bazooka. My middle son takes the blame for this one, or actually his therapist does as it was her suggestion when she was working through his anxiety issues with him. (Are you really surprised any child of mine suffers from anxiety?) Now whenever a bad thought comes into my head I have to stop what I'm doing and grab a big imaginary bazooka and blow the thought to smithereens. 

I cant help it if I need actions and sound effects to help me with this one and yes I agree a grown woman with here eyes shut, pretending to blow up non existent objects above her head whilst making phu phu phu phu phu sounds in the middle of Kmart is a little random, but that's just the way I roll.

I could go on and on with my list, but I wont because I have so much to get done this morning before the white van arrives and well quite frankly I think I have probably freaked you out enough for today.

Oh by the way,  just a heads up - if you delete a chain email before you read the first 3 words, you'll be exempt and a piano will NOT drop on your head in the next 24 hours. Just Saying!

Do you have any superstitions you indulge in and care to share?
Want to be my roomie at the Looney Bin?