The War At My Front Door | Life Love and Hiccups: The War At My Front Door
Life Love and HiccupsLife Love and HiccupsLife Love and HiccupsLife Love and Hiccups

Wednesday 14 September 2016

The War At My Front Door

Pin It
Totally NOT my front door - image source

I've got pickle in my pipe you guys and I need to blow it.

I just had a run in like literally ten minutes ago with a door to door sales person and even though I am a peaceful, live and let live, zen loving type of person... I really wanted to punch this guy... like REALLY badly.

I'm not going to say which company he was with because believe it or not - I actually like the company, well I thought I did and I don't want to slam them because of one GIGANTIC turd they have working for them.

So I'm sitting in my office, minding my own business and plugging away on a myriad of deadlines I have looming this week when my dogs start to go apeshit.

My dogs have varying levels of apeshit that range from - there's a bird on the back fence and it's irritating us kind of apeshit, to the someone is daring to knock on the door... OUR DOOR kind of apeshit, the latter being as far as apeshit goes, THE MOTHER of all apeshits.

This particular level of apeshit involves the knocking over of furniture, trampling of each other and the breaking down of internal walls in their race to get to the front door. What they would actually do to the person who is knocking on the door would be nothing more than licking them to death, but their apeshit behaviour is kind of intimidating and I have to admit that at times I am grateful for it... especially when a GIGANTIC turd comes knocking.

Right, so I go to the front door with my phone in hand... (I like to have my phone with me so I can wave people away whilst I point at my phone to indicate "sorry, too busy pretending to talk on my phone to talk to you") and as I approached the door I could see this guy standing there all dressed up in his official company shirt and hat....

And so I waved my phone at him "Sorreeee, on the phone. Bye bye."

He waved back at me, indicating for me to open the door.

I pointed to the barking dogs who at this point were practically flooding the floor with saliva and I shook my head and called out "Sorry can't do, these dogs will eat you alive and I'm on the phone".

This guy wasn't giving up.

"Did you get our letter in the letter box from us the other day?" he called out through all of the barking.

"NO, I don't do junk mail and HELLOOO I'm on the phone" I yelled back waving my phone at him in case he missed it.

He hadn't missed it and he wasn't going anywhere either.

"Here, I'll just slip another one under your door then." he said as he started pushing paper under my door step.

This pissed me off. Like REALLY pissed me off.

"I don't want any of your paper thanks!" I sang through gritted teeth and I pushed the paper back under the door towards him with my best fuck you smile.

But get this... he pushed it back through again.

I know right?!

It was on. Oh man it was SO on.

"LISTEN" I shouted, "I DON'T WANT YOUR BROCHURE,  I AM NOT OPENING THE DOOR AND I DON'T WANT TO TALK TO YOU BECAUSE I AM ON THE GOD DAMN PHONE.... SEE???" I yelled through the glass as I slammed my phone up against the window next to the door in case he missed that I was on the freaking phone.

"I'll come back later then" he said clearly challenging me, "After 5.30".

Challenge accepted.

I picked up the brochure and I ripped it in half, and then... oh shame... this is where it kind of gets a bit awks...

Then I waved one half of the brochure at my dogs and shouted through the glass "These dogs have your smell now... if you ever come back I'm going let them go to town on your obnoxious little ass... and then... and then I'm going to call your company and tell on you".


"I'm going to tell on you?"

Fuck me! THAT was the best I had????

And as if my dogs would really do anything, I mean look at them...

I thought I had won this battle as the guy backed away from my door... and then headed straight over to my letter box and shoved another brochure in there before calling out "I will come back!"


So now I am sitting here like the tough chick I am, stabbing away at my keyboard writing a blog post about this asshole... because that's going to fix him REAL good isn't it???!!!


Look I am all for companies advertising, churches preaching and people trying to make a living by promoting their services, but please leave me alone when I am at home. Contrary to popular belief about WAHMs I am NOT sitting here twiddling my thumbs waiting to invite you in for tea.

If I am out and about in public then I reckon I am fair game and you can give it your best shot... but aren't our homes supposed to be where we go to escape the world? In my opinion it should be the one place where we can expect to be left alone and quite frankly I think it is pretty bloody rude when people come knocking trying to sell us stuff and won't take no for an answer.

Or maybe this guy just really really pissed me off...

What are your thoughts?

Are you OK with door to door sales people or preachers? 
Have you ever had a run in with one?
How would you have handled this obnoxious turd who wouldn't take no for an answer?