Careful When You are Polishing Your Self Righteous Sword | Life Love and Hiccups: Careful When You are Polishing Your Self Righteous Sword
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Tuesday 30 September 2014

Careful When You are Polishing Your Self Righteous Sword

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School holidays huh?

Love them as much as I loathe them, I do.

I love the slow mornings and the absence of homework. I love the easy nights where I couldn't give two hoots what time those little squids of mine finally pass out. I even love the noise, because I like having my family around me and the noise is a constant reminder of how my dream of a house full of kids is now a reality.

I don't however like the endless bickering over crap. Sorry, but there really is no other way to put it because they seriously fight over the dumbest things - like for example, when someone smiles at the wrong moment, or who stands where in the pool when they are playing pool soccer and who is more bored than the other.

For real?

There is a prize for who dies of boredom first????

Holy shitballs I must have missed that memo. What IS the prize, because heck I can pull the best dying of boredom head where my eyes roll back and you can see the whites and dribble slowly trickles out of the corner of my mouth.

I'm good at it. Like REALLY good at it. I have three excellent pint sized teachers.

I had a day last week where I was so flipping exhausted I could cry. You know those days? You have zero patience, every little hiccup feels like an enormous issue and you want to throw chopsticks at the heads of anyone who dares to cross your path.

I had one of those days.

My eyes were hanging out of my head from working two 16 hour days in a row in an attempt to cram a whole week's worth of work into those two days. I wanted to be able to take a few days off to spend with the kids - those same kids that TOTALLY did me in with their arguing.

They were bored, I know they were, I mean of course they were - Mum was working. But it was all I could do to not put on a hello kitty shirt and throw the most nuclear of tantrums and retreat to the ball room at my local play centre, sucking my thumb and hoping that someone would buy me an ice cream and send me to a nice padded cell for a while.

I don't need any ego stroking to survive those kind of days. I don't need to be artificially pumped full of hot air to make me feel like I am not totally screwing this parenting role up up. I just need to vent, and talk about it a little. You know?

But the thing is, we are not supposed to talk like that are we? We aren't supposed to speak of how our children are sometimes so incredibly turdish that they bring us to tears. Well that's what you would think if you based your evidence on what happens to a mum if she dares to go on social media and vent.

This past week I have seen women attacked online and offline for venting. Words and disapproval viciously slung at them for daring to speak that way about their kids. I followed one thread where someone went so far as to say how selfish this mum was for venting because some people are not fortunate enough to have kids and therefore it is downright selfish and ungrateful to say out loud that your kids are driving you insane.


What happened to just keeping it real?

My heart aches for woman who desperately long for children but are still waiting. It really aches... BUT does this mean we need to pretend that every single day of motherhood is a walk in the park?

Often the snide comments come from people who are also just as quick to rebuke someone if they feel they are painting an unrealistic image of family life and how it is all sunshine and roses, finger painting and perfectly behaved cherubs.

Keep it real and be judged harshly and called a bad mum... or paint a pretty picture and be called a fake.

How does one even begin to dodge the mines in that game?

I for one feel better when I read that another Mum has had a shit day... oh man that came out so wrong. I don't mean that I get some kind of sick joy out of another sister's suffering. I mean it makes me feel normal, like I am not completely ballsing this motherhood thing up just because we have a shitty moment, day or week.

I am one of those people who not only like, but need a sympathetic nod from a stranger in a shopping centre when my kids are knocking things over in an attempt to inflict the mother of all wedgies on a sibling. I like it when I can say to someone that I need a bucket of vodka to erase the emotional scarring left over from a day full of refereeing and complaint processing and I like that they know I am only kind of half kidding and just quietly hand me some coping cordial without judgement.

God damn it, I really like it when I vent and someone says "me too" because I feel like I have allies in the parenting gig, people who understand how quickly children can turn from sleepy eyed angels to cranky little oompa loompas. Allies who know I am just having a bad day and that I don't really think my kids are proper piles of poo.

I love those kids of mine, Oh man do I love them. I love them so much that there are days my heart actually aches from being so full of love for them and I would not think twice about laying myself down in front of a truck of brussel sprouts for those little people, or crawling through a tunnel full of smelly feet and snakes, because I love them THAT much.

But please don't expect me to pretend that it is all fairy floss and lollipops ALL the time.

I just can't.

And to those perfect woman who have perfect children, please be careful when you are polishing your self righteous sword that you don't accidentally cut down another mum when she vents her frustrations.

Enough with the unnecessary judging already. We are all doing the best we can.

Truthfully, I don't think there is such a thing as a perfect mum or a perfect child, and so God knows I need to read another mum's occasional venting as much as I need to release a little excess steam for myself from time to time.

Especially in the school holidays.

How are you coping with the holidays... truthfully? 
Do you ever feel like you cant vent for fear of being judged or because you feel guilty?