The One Where You Promise Not to Call Child Protection Services On Me! | Life Love and Hiccups: The One Where You Promise Not to Call Child Protection Services On Me!
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Thursday 8 November 2012

The One Where You Promise Not to Call Child Protection Services On Me!

Pin It Kids are handy little buggers aren't they. I mean on the good days of course. They are loving and fun and entertaining and occasionally even very helpful (more so when bribery is involved). But in my experience kids come with certain benefits that shouldn't be underestimated.

Don't believe me? Need a little more convincing?

Well if you promise you wont dob me into child protection services, I'll share with you my Top 5 list of things that kids are particularly useful for.


You can get yourself a pretty good feed these days at your local grocery store. Now I'm not talking about the variety of food they have on offer you can buy, I am more referring to the sampling these stores offer. Those little sampling booths are everywhere, at every corner and hidden at the end of the aisles ready to pounce on you with a little pot of yoghurt or some warm crispy bread and dip. I likey!

I don't know about you, but when some of those samples are like really really good, I want more than the bite size morsel they give you. Kids are perfect for going back for seconds and even thirds of the really good stuff. They have no inhibitions and no shame and if Mummy is telling them to do it, they have no guilt either.

And lets face it, little people generally all look alike so the sample staff don't usually cotton on until at least their third visit.

More smoked salmon and creme fresh on a cracker? Why yes please, don't mind if I do!


Kids are a fabulous excuse to get you out of things you don't want to go to or get you home by a certain time. Now I don't like to tempt fate and say my kids are sick when they are not, but sleep?? Every kid needs sleep right?

If you are stuck out somewhere and you desperately want to be home in time to watch Real Housewives, The Bachelor or Better Homes, just make a show of looking at your watch and saying "Oh geez is that the time? I really must get the kids home for a nap, or bedtime".

With a little bribery like the promise of a lolly or letting them watch a movie in bed, the kids can often be encouraged to yawn a lot or have a little bit of a pretend meltdown. I find intentionally yawning at my kids always works because yawns are totally addictive. Just get down at their level and yawn right in their face, then stand back and watch. You will have your escape route mapped out in no time.


Let's talk about movie time. Movies are fabulous R&R. I love nothing more than taking the kids to a movie. What's not to love about a nice dark air conditioned cinema where you are forced to do nothing but sit there and stare at a screen whilst you stuff your face with Maltesers.

Occasionally it makes for a perfect little nap time... for me. To safely and effectively do this, make sure you choose those seats that are up against a wall. Make the kids sit closest to the wall and you take the aisle seat. They can't get out without climbing all over you, so you will wake up if they try to escape.

You can visit the candy bar for top ups as many times as you like without shame cause everyone knows kids are complete pigs at movies so no one ever needs to know that the extra tub of popcorn or the second round of choc tops are for you!


Have you ever seen a kid let loose in a toy shop? Of course you have. Well take that image, double the size of the kid and double the noise and you now have a perfect mental picture of me in a toy store. I love toys, playing with toys, riding toys and one of my most favourite things to do in a toy shop is press buttons on toys. Let me correct that... Press EVERY button on ALL the toys, all at once. Fun fun fun I tell ya!

The beauty of having kids with you is you have a legitimate excuse to be loitering there in the first place and two, when the cranky shop assistant comes to tell you off for making all that racket or putting all the walking toys on the floor to have a race, you just point at the kids, shrug your shoulders and give them your best "Kids! What can you do" look. The shop assistants rarely tell off the kids (that would be bad for business right) so hanging out in toys stores is totally a family friendly way to kill an hour or two.


You know when you are choosing something off a menu, whether it be a meal or an ice cream etc and you just can't decide what you want cause you want it all? Well kids are a perfect solution for this predicament, and in fact - the more kids the better the solution. You simply order what you want  something different for everyone and you get to try it all :)

I like to play a game with my kids called plate swap. You get a minute to eat off your plate and then when the minute is up you shout - "PLATE SWAP", you then have to pass your plate of food on to the next person. If you really like something and want to follow that plate, you can always find the perfect excuse to move around the table. Kids need their faces wiped, they need to be separated from their brother, or they need help cutting up food.... you get the gist.

So you can see why I am a huge fan of kids, apart from the fact that I really am at heart just an overgrown kid myself and therefore thrive in their company. Kids are totally multi purposeful, multi functional and the source of the best excuses ever! Value for money or what!

What are some of the ways your kids are particularly useful to you?