Honey - Please pass the nuts! | Life Love and Hiccups: Honey - Please pass the nuts!
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Saturday 12 November 2011

Honey - Please pass the nuts!

Pin It I am getting a bit of a bad reputation in my house I think. The other night my 10 year old was having a chat to his Dad and I about something personal and at the end of the conversation he turns to me and said "Please don't blog it Mum". "Damn it" I thought to myself - it would have made a great post too!

My blog has even become a great source of discipline. It is amazing what gets done around this house under the threat of "Do it NOW or I will blog about......". It is even more effective since Santa started following me on Google Plus and reads everything!

So I figure that I am totally going to get busted for what I am about to blog tonight, so I may as well go to town on it. Or in the theme of this post - Go totally Nuts!

I may have mentioned before about the psychic that came to my house and did a bunch of readings for me and some of my gals. One of the many mind blowing things she informed me was that I was going to have another baby.....soon.....

When we went for the 18 week ultrasound with our third, we specifically asked the Sonographer that when it came time to tell us the sex of the baby, she was to tell our sons and let them break the news to me. Why? Because I was afraid I might slap her if she told me it was a boy and I knew I wouldn't slap my own children. I was so desperately hoping for a girl, I had suffered from girl envy for years and I was so sure that the bub in my tum was a pink one this time.

I told my kids that I seriously needed to pee and that whilst I was gone, the nice lady was going to tell them whether mummy was having a boy or a girl and that when I came back from the bathroom, they could tell Mum and Dad what it is.

Whilst I was in the bathroom letting out the litres of water I had drunk, some girl started talking to me from the cubicle next door. She was all " I know you don't know me and you can't even see me, but I just have to tell someone because my husband doesn't want to know, I am having a GIRL!"

I started punching the air with elation as I was convinced this was sooo a sign from above, an omen or fate giving me a sneak peek at our future.

"That's fantastic" I called back from my own cubicle. "Congratulations - I think I am having a girl too!"

When we finally met face to face at the wash basins, we squealed and thumped about as 18 week preggers woman do. In the next 5 minutes we figured out our baby girls would be born in the same hospital and they were due days apart and they were so going to be best friends.

We hugged and wished each other well and I thundered off to get my own wonderful pink news.

I did not even get my belly in the door before my then 5 year old and 22 month old blurted out "Its a bruver Mum!"

Crap! Crap Crap Crap! I don't remember much of the rest of the scan as my mind was preoccupied with penises and testicles.

When we were back in the reception paying our bill, my new 'pregant with a pink one' friend came out with her husband. She was glowing and the biatch was grinning from ear to bloody ear. I think she realised when I wouldn't make eye contact with her and the way I mumbled "everything is fine thank you very much" that her and I and our babies were NOT going to be ballet buddies after all.

I will be honest, I sulked the whole way home. I even cried a little. I know this sounds soooo incredibly selfish and ungrateful especially after all the miscarriages and the Ectopic pregnancy we went through. But I am trying to keep it real here. If I told you I was over the moon at that moment I would be full of BS and I hate people that BS. I was happy and relieved that the baby was healthy, I was so excited to be having another child. But I was disappointed that it wasn't a pink one.

Today I could not imagine life with out my little Flynn. He brings us so much joy and he is truly the funniest little dude and I honestly would not even consider trading him in for a tutu.

Now my hubby and I have been toying with the idea of number four for some time (2 years to be precise). Our youngest - Flynn will be five next year and there have been days when I have been more than a little clucky.

I know this is oh so politically incorrect to say, but if you could guarantee me a pink one for the next baby, I would jump my hubby in the flash of an eye. But I know there are no guarantees in the genetic lottery and to be honest the idea of 4 boys is a little bit ummmm daunting.

We did finally agree we would try one more time, once I promised my hubby that I would not get my hopes up at all for a girl.

A week later on the drive home from school with my 3 boys and 2 extra, who were all screaming and shouting for my attention, I realised I was frigging kidding myself. I could not start all over again.

So what was my hubby's reaction to the psychic's prediction? He booked himself in to be castrated for a vasectomy.

Monday's the big day and he is as nervous as all hell.

I know I should be a little sympathetic, but COME ON!!! I have pushed Watermelons out of my Vagina. Where was my sympathy???

I have bought the packets of peas and I am ready to be the doting caring wife and nurse him back to health. He is a little sensitive about what's happening on Monday and me being the wicked cow that I am, I can't help but have a little fun with it.

So here is a message to my hubby.


I know you are a little testy about getting your having your nuts cracked on Monday. But truly, it will be ok. I scrotum going to be there for you cause I am completely nuts about you. I wasn't going to pay peanuts for just any old DR to tinkle with your tacklebox. We have nothing but the best for you my little pecan. Nobby messes with my man.

You know how much I love Christmas and all the decorations - well you will be my own walking talking Christmas tree with ornamental balls and all!

Love your wife xxx