This is a guest post I wrote a while back for Tahlia at The Parenting Files and seeing as I am constantly in a state of worry and I have had numerous conversations with friends about worrying over the past 2 weeks, I thought I would share it again here.
There is something that nobody told me about BEFORE I had
children. Something so huge that surely it should come with some sort of
warning. Perhaps even its own little info pack that is given to you the moment
you give birth for the first time. What is it? I am sure you are incredibly
familiar with this not so little emotion, in fact I am pretty damn sure it has
set itself up very comfortably in generous sized accommodation in your mind –
WORRY!
Yep the crappy worry bug! It comes wrapped up tightly in the same packaging
as your precious little newborn. It is the bonus Steak Knives that you really
didn’t need or want.
Now I am sure that there must be some way to tame this
beast. I have images of myself in my mind holding a whip and a stool as I
battle to control this insidious emotion as it snarls and lunges at me,
spitting another ferocious fear in my face
Often I worry about how much I worry. (There is irony in
there somewhere). But I really do wonder, do others lose as much sleep over
worrying about things as much as I do? I truly am not exaggerating, in fact I
feel compelled to share with you the Top 5 worries I have experienced since my
babies first came into my life.
1. Is
he breathing?
Hmmm I am positive you are
nodding your head as you read this one. How many times do we get up in the
night to check if our most precious little ones are still breathing.
I recall
myself quietly hovering over the bassinet with a torch to look for the rise and
fall of the chest that indicates everything is AOK. Then in moments of panic, I
would scare my poor sleeping child witless as I would poke him awake, waiting
for the cry that would tell me that it’s ok, he is really is breathing. It was
almost like I developed some kind of breathing related OCD.
Just as I settled
myself back into bed to try and grab some zzzzzzs, I would find myself worrying
again, Oh crap - did something happen between the time I left his side a minute ago,
until now? And once again I would rise from my bed to check that he was STILL
ok.
Sometimes I would even wake my poor husband to go and check as well, you
know, just to be sure.
2. Is
this sneeze the start of Pneumonia?
Every time my little one would
let out an innocent sneeze, it would send me spiralling into panic mode. Out
would come the thermometers to check his temperature. I became thermometer
obsessed and I would frequently browse the baby aisle in my local chemist
looking for a new brand of thermometer, a bigger and better, more reliable one.
The baby books would come out
(like they were ever really put away) and I would wear the pages thin as I
devoured every bit of information on caring for a sick baby. My fingers were
often crippled with RSI from repeatedly typing into Google search various
combinations of Baby Cold, Baby Sneeze, Symptoms of Pneumonia in a Baby.
I
would like to tell you that as my children got older, things calmed down a
little in this area. But if I am being honest with you – they didn’t.
3. Why
isn’t my baby doing (insert whatever here) yet?
I actually had to ban myself from
reading age and development checklists as I became so obsessed with them. I kid
you not! I would worry myself sick if one of my children could not do something
out of the million and one things a child should be able to do by his
age.
Time would eventually prove to me that kids do everything in their own
time and they do not necessarily follow the order that these lists suggest.
I
remember breaking out in a cold sweat at playgroup when little Sally’s mum
proudly informed us that her pride and joy could say “Mamma Juice” when she
wanted a drink. I found myself shifting my eyes over to gaze upon my own little
man who was happily banging his head against the doll house in the corner, and
once again I would question my skills and qualifications for this parenting
gig.
4. Does
my child have some to play with at preschool / school?
Surely there are laws against
stalking parents lurking outside the school yard, anxiously scanning the hoards
of children in the hope of spotting my child happily playing with his friends.
If there are laws for this, I so deserved to be locked up with a lifetime
sentence.
OK so I don’t really do it to my older 2 kids now they are at school,
as I have much more efficient ways of keeping this worry in check. Are they
being invited to parties? Do they get invited for play dates? Etc etc.
But I do
remember doing drive bys when my first son went to preschool. It was super
convenient that the playground could easily be spotted without me having to
leave the anonymity of my car, and I could do a quick check that all was ok on
my way to and from appointments for work.
These days my youngest goes to a
preschool that is tucked away in the hills and doesn’t accommodate the quick
drive by. But the excuse of a forgotten drink bottle or spare jumper is usually
suffice to gain me entry for a quick check up.
5. Will
I still be the most important person in my boys life when they grow up?
I am lucky to have 3 little
Mummy’s boys who just love to cuddle up with me for some Snuggle Time. Every
morning I am greeted with huge hugs and squeals of delight as they see me for
the first time that day, and every afternoon when they return home from kindy
or school, they all race in to be the first to tell me about their day.
They
love to sit on the floor in the bathroom and chat to me as I get ready,
adorably telling me how I pretty I look. And I have to admit that I am somewhat
touched by the raw emotion attached to the way they cling to my legs if Heaven
forbid I attempt to exit the front door without them.
Being the mum of 3 boys, I know
that somewhere in the future most likely lurks a DIL (Daughter in Law). And
that DIL poses a threat of the magnitude I have yet had to face. DIL will
potentially replace me as the centre of my child’s universe. Her cooking will
be better than mine. She will wash and iron their clothes better than I do, and
her lunchbox notes will take the place of my own on top of their
lovingly made sandwiches . That DIL will bring her own unique joy to my boy’s
lives that I cannot give them. Jealous much? Yep! So my strategy on this one is
this.... be kind to the girls my boys bring home. Give them respect and love
them and treat them as my own, as one day I may be their MIL and I want to
ensure that they allow me to continue to be an important part of my boy’s life.
So you see, I worry about a lot.
I am the first to say that many of my worries are completely irrational, but I
was never prepared for the overwhelming completely unconditional and all
absorbing love I would have for these little beings I am lucky enough to call
my children.
I am thinking that surely some allowances need to be made when
it comes to questioning my sanity. And besides I never claimed to be a sane Mum!
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